It’s 10 minutes before 12 midnight in the Philippines and I have some things to say before tucking in for the night. I haven’t done this in quite a while and it feels good doing it right now. Blogging in the wee hours of the night makes the mind, and heart, calm.
I have a few realizations that I wanted to share and I hope in some ways, you would feel me. I mean, like say, 3 out of 5 people would, right?
First thing’s first. Are you aware of the saying “Do not think what others think about you, and what people want you to be.” Or something like that. It’s a positive saying, yes. It’s the one that makes people confident and for them to show how greatly unique they are. Truth be told, I didn’t apply this to my life, until in circumstances I’ve encountered that of which I would’ve applied to, but to some didn’t. And I don’t even know why I thought that way.
You see, I’ve always thought about what people around me, especially my friends, peers, professors, even my parents, ,think about me. It’s like, “in their eyes, I should be this. I should be that.” But it’s totally wrong. I know that now.

This is me. Haggard. No make-up on. Sits in an indian-sit position. I can hella transform physically too.
For many years I wanted to be unique and all that stuff, but at the back of my mind it keeps telling me what does the people around me think of me…which is really lame and phony.
Last semester was a breeze. I didn’t even notice that it would end early, and I’m thankful that it made me realize what my capabilities are, my strengths and weaknesses, and how perfectly unique I am to other people. Hey, I’m not that girly but I can try to be one. I’m not the one who can get mad easily, but I assure you when that time comes, it’s for the right reason and a better one too. I may be timid and shy being around with people, but not with the real people I know.
Second. I’m glad that God had put me in the right school, which perfectly fits me. He didn’t put me in the Ateneo (my dream school) because He knows how I abhor all the burgis English-speaking conyos and kolehiyalas there; He had cut my UST college life short because He knows that my calling is not in business firms and banks. He saw how I gave up on the course that I’ve taken.; He made my CSB application delayed for a day because He knows that the University is an expensive one, and it’s too far from where I’m living at.
Contemplating on those realizations and pondering on the fact that I only thought of it recently was just stupid of me not to think of it early on. Man, what has life given and shown to me lately?! Am I that preoccupied to notice all of those in one day? GEEZ.
My friends and blockmates in UST and UST itself taught me a lot though. It made me realize numerous of things about life and striving hard to get good grades.

Imagine how devastated I am when I saw those two singko's in there. #tagossabones

Imagine how blissful I was when I saw these a while ago. I should've been on the Dean's List. Unfortunately I didn't apply for it.
UST is all standards and their religion, but CEU is all family and bonding. I speak for myself here, no need to judge. I hope I don’t offend anyone in the former side. Problem is, my “now” school doesn’t have too many opportunities for an art and photography all in between lover like me. There are organizations, but it’s really few.
Third. It’s good to be a free-spirit. Or the commoners usually call, “loner”. Let me elaborate my point: It’s not bad to be one, but too much of it is too emo. Yes, the one they call “emotional hardcore”, which eventually became a music genre also. In my senior year of high school, I was more of a loner than a free-spirit. Don’t judge me, LOL. I was sixteen. It was my teen-angst days and I was slightly insecure. And because my best friend’s attention was only his boyfriend. I shall not elaborate on the issue
In a way, you are free to move and do whatever, whenever you want without listening to anybody at all. And sometimes it gives you an opportunity to think and ponder about life, or anything under the sun. I know people, even my friends, think it’s weird. I’m used to it already.
Will construct my ending paragraph tomorrow. It’s 3 minutes to 1am. Good mornight.
Edit:
Hello friends. I’m back. I have tons of realizations to share in this entry, but I think I’ll just give away 5 out of those. Here’s the other two:
Fourth. It’s really hard to please people. At some point, you think you’ve outdone your best, but it seems it’s not enough for other people. Everybody’s a critique. I admit, I’m hard to please at times, but it’s not that hard to impress me.
Classic case in point: our professors. It’s tough for the students, especially those in college. You know you’ve done a great job, you know you did your best, but at the end of the day you’ll get a grade that’s far less of what you expected. You aim high, but what the professor grades you is only mediocre.
But get this: you know to yourself that you’ve done your best. If you know you haven’t done enough, aim higher. Strive and work hard to get not better, but the best grade that you want to get. Don’t think about doing it for your professor, for the class, for someone who you like or love in class just to impress him/her, but just effin’ do it because you have the passion doing it, you are enjoying what you’re doing and continue to finish your goals.
Lastly, just continue to do what you love doing. I myself realized that doing what I loved to do and loving my current activities makes me not just the happiest in the world, but it motivates and drives me to work better and to meet people outside of my world. I’ve stepped outside of my comfort zone and I’ve worked with different people, but all of ‘em have the joy and the thrive of giving the passion in the work that they’ve love ever since.
There are times when I don’t do my best, lack of passion is shown, but I always remind myself to keep going and going, and just do better next time, in the future and there’s still a long journey ahead of me everyday. You win some, you loose some. That’s the nature of life. I have to stay up to par from the level of very passionate, and not in the mediocre/fair/so-so side. I’ve seen myself drown in the ocean of disappoint once I knew I didn’t do best.
This is how to get to know yourself a lot better. A few realizations, a little bit of meditation, try putting it in to the literature perspective, improve some things you need to improve, and just make anything better. Always be wise.

Whether it's with passion or lack there of, I never abandon what I love the most, and those are photography, writing, reading & going to events.
Love you all to bits and pieces. The Photography Girl ♥
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